ఏమని పలికేది? ఏమి జరుగుతోందో అర్ధం కానప్పుడు,
ఏమని తెలిపేది? ఏమి జరుగుతోందో అర్ధం తెలియనట్టు నేను మిగిలి పోయినప్పుడు?
నా మనసుకు తెలుసా అసలు తనకు ఏమి కావాలో?
ఇంద్రధనుసు తెలిసిన నాకు రంగులు చిల్చి తెలుపు నలుపుల చదరంగం మధ్య లో నమ్మలేని వర్ణాలు చూపింది కనుల వెనుక కల
ఒంటరి తనం భయం అని అనిపించినా మనసు మౌనాన్ని ఎంచుకుంటోంది,
గమ్యం ఏదో తెలియదు కాని ఎవరు ఎవరో నడిచిన దారిలోనే నడుస్తోంది కొత్త దారి ఉన్నా సరే !
దమ్ము లేక కాదు దానికి ఆలోచించటం బొత్తిగా అలవాటు లేదు !
ఏ చెట్టు నీడకు చేరుతుందో చివరకు కాని తుఫాను గాలి వెంతాడక పోటీ చాలు
జీవితం ఈ పదాల లాంటిదే
పదాలలో ఏముంది ఒట్టు పొల్లు తప్ప, జీవితం లో ఏముంది ఎత్తు పల్లం తప్ప
కాలం ఎగిరిపోతుంది గాయం చెరిగి పోతుంది కాని గుర్తే మిగిలి పోతుంది
అమృతం ఉన్నా తాగరు మనుషులు భాడలో, బీరు ల చేదు గా ఉండదని

Cooper Library,
22 April 2008,
9:47 pm
Liquid feed: Fanta
Mood: mixed

Thus goes away to the lands distant my sweet heart. My sweet heart went away from me today. I know she will be back soon. I feel all alone , left in the islands of 'some' sea. Of what use is this world (wide web) with out her. Black Pearl is away people, my sweet lady went to get refreshed, change her glowing screen and come back ever new again.

My saga of braking the Laptop screens continues, the IBM thing followed by Dell and now the TOSHIBA...Neva mind. My sweet heart will be here soon.

When I was speaking to priyanka online the other day (in fact any time we speak, we never get exhausted of stuff!!!) i was so inspired to go and just joint IIT all over again and reform it the rebel's way. Even now, as I type in what I feel about the education @ IIT my blood runs in relativistic limits. But, the hydi spirit in me says, 'chal yaar, lite tisko!!

may be i will type in the remaining thoughts soon!!! I hope the title is apt!!

It rained in Clemson today. I loved the weather out there. Just tried to hum few lines in some tune and I came up with these lyrics...

నింగి తో నేను అన్నానా ?సంతోషం దాచమని మేఘాలలోన,
మొయిలని నేను అడిగాన? బాధేస్తే వెదజల్లమని సిరి వాన!
ఈ క్షణాలలో, ఏ చినుకు స్వరాలివో?
ఈ ఎడారిలో, నా సేదకు వరాలివో?

(means 'literal' word-to-word)

Did I tell the skies, to hide all the happiness in those clouds?
and Did I ask the clouds, to rain it off when I am sad?

In these moments, how can I describe the music of these droplets?
In the deserted path I walk upon, these droplets quench my thirst.

Place: Javacity,
Clemson Univ.

Flavor: Espresso+Javacity Blend freshly brewed
Thoughts: to be desribed below


As I sit and sip this flavor named 'eye opener' by Java City, I truly believe now in the name of what I drink. God knows, how many out there who read me feel that I am jobless. Let me give you a list of pending jobs I currently have and are of prime importance and only then would you understand the significance of this post on your desktop.

1) Tomm. I have an exam in Theoretical Physics
2) I need to make Bisumth Nanowires
3) I have to prepare gold coated substrates
4) I have to solve 15 review problems in Statistical Physics
5) I have to submit an assignment due on EPR paradox
6) I am yet to grade three quizzes and 2 lab reports of 36 stdents
7)I am to move my stuff to a new apartment etc.,

With all these on my head, I still feel like typing in things into my blog. I still feel that I am meant to be a physicist of Crichton type or Dan Brown type and not a feynmann kind. Physicists are like what they study, quarks. They too come in different flavors. When I ever I pick up my book and turn the pages or when ever I do the experiments in the lab: only two things are on my mind: to join IIT-Rooree as a prof and to shoot my movie. I have no confidence in anything else but do not bet me on those two things. You will lose. They are bound to happen and I know that they will. When I was walking on the road just 10 mins back, I felt the blood rush and the goosebumps, when I imagined teaching quantum to students at iit. There are some ppl who (unknowingly) inspired me like John Nash, GVP, JB, my bros and many more. There are many ppl who inspire me now because I just do not want any other student to suffer like me. All this confidence comes from only Him. I will make it.

My movie will be the one. The one that will make it to Oscar. Ask any physicist, 'whats your aim?', they will say Nobel. Ask me I will tell you, 'Field's Medal' or Oscar. I have not been sleeping since past 3 days and yet I am not feeling dizzy. God knows, why? It is only these thoughts that keep me awake. I see it now. When the expulsion news came out during B.Sc, I never knew the reasons. But I can now, clearly see them. Know that there are some other plans for you.

Now I just want to sit back and enjoy the music. I need to inspire ppl. I need to tell them things. I have Pooja wid me. Priyanka wants to get it into the industry. Lemme not put her on the list. Bava, ananth is interested currently in other things. I hope my teachers will accept my invitations to join the School of Physics. Like the IPL now, we are going to soon introduce new approach to Science. We want ppl to know how the hell did Frobenius make a way to solve the Schrodinger wave equation even 100 years before its discovery? How on earth did Sturm-Liouville make perfect representation of Quantum Mechanis? How Legendre made the complete set of states?

Clouds heap upon clouds and it darkens. Ah, love, why dost thou let me wait outside at the door all alone?
In the busy moments of the noontide work I am with the crowd, but on this dark lonely day it is only for thee that I hope.
If thou showest me not thy face, if thou leavest me wholly aside, I know not how I am to pass these long, rainy hours.
I keep gazing on the far-away gloom of the sky, and my heart wanders wailing with the restless wind. ....

I wish I knew Bengali. If they feel so good in a foreign language I do not know what might be their flavour in the the native tongue. Here goes another....

This is my prayer to thee, my lord---strike, strike at the root of penury in my heart.

Give me the strength lightly to bear my joys and sorrows.
Give me the strength to make my love fruitful in service.
Give me the strength never to disown the poor or bend my knees before insolent might.
Give me the strength to raise my mind high above daily trifles.
And give me the strength to surrender my strength to thy will with love.

Cooper Library,
12:42 am, 08 April 2008,
Clemson.

I got another weekend and I stayed back home. I did not to travel to NC and suffer the bouts of insomnia. But still I did not find the peace of mind for many reasons. Life looks horrible now for reasons I did not even bother about the last semester. When you have a Global and Major problem all other local problems get covered by it. The Bolzano-Weisstrass theorem thus proves that life is a closed set because given any cover of problems in life, you can always find a subcover of them. Right now, I am one of the experimental evidence in the ensemble measurements.

The only positive thinking you can have after getting out for a doosra is to realize that ball always does not turn the way you expect! But you had to sacrifice your wicket for that. The match is not yet lost though. You are in the game. You have another innings to play. People speak of faith and patriotism in my room. Alas! they bothered about it only when I had to vacate and it costed them extra bucks. Never ever did they ask me whether I had food. Never did they tell me when I cried that there was a DJ and I can probably have a change of mood. Never do they speak in the language that I could understand and yet they need me when I have to pay the rent and the electricity bills!!!! Money, the thing that drives human intentions, emotions and many more things. Not surprising to hear that many of us do not understand quantum mechanics...the blunt thing can only capture money. The human instinct is to oppose what is not favourable (like what I am doing right now!!) but it is not the mistake if it was declared and pre meditated well before. I told my roomies that I will stay till the end of spring semester. How can I be responsible if they did not understand it correctly and imagined that I will stay all my life with them? Now, they are (not even requesting) demanding that I must pay the rent irrespective of whether I stay there or not!!!

Ridiculous, isn't it? Well, thats the way world goes. I have another thing torturing my grey cells. Pooja needs to tranfer and the mechanics(the dynamics of it) of her transfer are getting tougher. I am in a mess. With all this aside Dr. Daw's statistical mechanics of particles does not straight get into my head. I am unable to acheive my aims. I am not even proceeding towards them. May be this heart of mine is too kind to people and after bearing so many things I get the brunt of it.

I know, I will just recite to myself the Gitanjali poem 36 and then I have all the strenght I need. I am Bruce almighty. Back to you FUCKERS!!!!